Thursday, October 28, 2010

I wish I could tend to this blog more often. How boring that I only touch it a few times a year, if that.

Lots of changes happening. All sad and good at the same time if that's possible. My boss and his wife are close friends of mine. He surprised me one day during a touchbase with the punch in the gut of him and the family leaving and moving to Ohio. I was so instantly depressed. It felt like I was in mourning. I wasn't just sad. I was mourning. So I spent weeks crying in my car before work. Everyday things were becoming impossible, because I just didn't care anymore. Time came and went and they moved. It was really sad. Over time I've come to a closure with it. We still talk. Not as much as before but I still plan on visiting them. I miss them both a lot.

Clare and I stuck together after they moved. Then Clare was offered a job in Ohio as well. So a few months later, she moved as well. Now 3 of my closest friends have all moved. Now it's just weird and quiet and just sort of boring. I find myself hating my job. I desperately hate the politics. All the crap that goes on, for the benefit of others' egos, is disheartening.

In the midst of all this "friend moving", Mike and I decided to divorce. I mean, could life get any harder and more depressing? It all eventually just hit me in the face one day and I just didn't want to move my body. I laid in bed, motionless, crying, non-stop. I started feeling like I just didn't care what happened next and if I didn't wake the next day, I wouldn't have to feel anymore. I sort of feel depressed writing all of this. It takes me back to how I felt back then. Thank God for therapy!!! If I hadn't been in therapy for a year now, I'm not sure where I'd be today.

I had a movie night with the girls and we saw Eat Pray Love. I wasn't particularly excited about seeing it since I wasn't that familiar with it. But it was fun girlfriend time that I desperately needed. I went feeling sort of sad and lost. I left feeling excited and full of hope. That movie changed me. I'm now a different person thanks to Elizabeth Gilbert. I felt weird in the theater watching the movie. There were so many things she was going through and doing that I was also experiencing. I felt as if people were looking at me or thinking about me when something familiar would be on screen. It was as if my life was flashing before everybody's eyes. I felt really vulnerable. But her changes and the life lessons she learned proved to me that life is better than this. I now am excited for my future and can't wait to move forward. I'm enjoying being single. I can't say I've EVER felt like that. I've always been so codependent and afraid to be alone. But I honestly, for once in my life, feel like this is such a great time and am so happy to be focusing on me for a change. I'm so in love with this story that I bought the audio book, listened to it, then had to buy the book. Now I'm going through it and highlighting the parts that really inspire me and keep me thinking positive. I'm geeking out over this book!

I realized one day, while helping Mike pack, that I didn't recognize my surroundings. I'd never actually SEEN that before. Ever. I never noticed how much of myself I'd given up until it was time to split up our stuff. I was trying to get rid of a lot of stuff because I was realizing that I didn't like it. I didn't want it. But neither did he. So I now still have that stuff. And that's just what it is. Stuff. How amazing that a person can go through life just in the motions but really never living. It makes me sad to think I've never really lived a life of who I really am. And it makes me sad to know that I've never really known WHO I am. How sad is that? To be honest, I still don't have a clue of who I am. But that's one of my goals for myself. It's imperative that I get to know me...be my own best friend.

So now we're best friends and I think our relationship is actually stronger than it's ever been. We are better communicators now and that's a huge change for us. For me especially. I've never been a communicator. And how ironic that my job is to communicate?! I'm enjoying just focusing on myself and my son. I love that I'm actually feeling happier these days and am really looking forward to what the future holds. I can't wait.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Where am I now?

Well, well, well. Hello diary! I've somewhat missed you. Okay, so not really but maybe just a tiny bit. Not much has been going on. Except that I have had a job since December 8th. Thank God! It was getting scary there for a while.

I'm back at Walmart, back in signing...kind of funny how things work out. But things happen for a reason, I always say! And boy what a great reason so far! I love my job as an Art Director. I love all the people I work with. They make it highly entertaining. I love the work I get to do. And I love my boss because he's awesome and takes care of his people. What a good change of pace!

Not only is all that awesome, but my first project was the signing for my favorite book series, Twilight. It was super fun. And not to mention I got to see it in stores...and I got to meet Robert Pattinson when he came to our Saturday morning meeting. THAT'S been the highest highlight ever! I feel so lucky. Now I look forward to the next movie release. I'm already planning in my head how that signing will look. And...I'm somewhat sad, I've started reading the series again for the 5th time.

I recently watched the movie "The Notebook" and cried my eyes out! I shocked myself!! I purposely didn't watch the movie till now because I was so done with all the talk about it and was kind of ranking it up there with the same level of girly boredom of Titanic. Snore! But I finally caved one day when I was flipping through the cable stations one day and noticed it was coming on an hour later. I decided then to give it a try. I ended up watching the whole thing and mad at myself for not having seen it till now. What a stubborn dumbass I am sometimes. It was such a sweet movie. I've never cried like that watching a movie. The only time I did cry like that was when Edward left Bella in New Moon. I was devastated for her. I was actually devastated WITH her. It was so strange how strongly I felt that pain with that character. But, "The Notebook" was definitely a movie I'll buy some day. And shame on me for waiting so long. By the way, I totally understand why my certain guy friends cried during the movie as well. It was just that sweet of a love story.

I'm sorry if I'm coming across as girly, boring and sappy. I'm just feeling that way right now. I now I'm a hard shelled person. Sometimes you just gotta be. Tonight I'm feeling a lot less tough and more sentimental.

With that being said, it's time for bed and some sweet dreams of my own.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Now for some old and still current Oklahoma City tradition...

If you're from Oklahoma City, then you'll know that it isn't the Christmas season until you've heard this little song:

BC Clark Jingle

Jewelry is the gift to give
Cause it's the gift that live and live
So give the gift you know can't fail
From B. C. Clark's Anniversary Sale

Most sales are after Christmas
But Clark's is just before
Most everything is marked way down
Savings you can't ignore

At Oklahoma's oldest Jeweler
Since 1892
So give the gift you know can't fail
From B. C. Clark's Anniversary Sale

And this one, for some weird reason, I've been singing all day.

Paul Meade Insurance

Protecting all the things you own
Like cars and trucks to mobile homes
Accidents or tickets too
Call and we'll take care of you
524-1541

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Twilight Craze

Here's a precursor to this review. It's important that you know how much I love this book series, these characters and the story all together.

I started reading the book Twilight a few months ago. I'd never heard of it before until a co-worker of mine mentioned it as some new book she'd started reading after the Harry Potter series. I still didn't think anything about it. About a month later, she mentioned it again. I decided to go ahead and try it. I wasn't all that thrilled about it yet but I figured I'd see what the buzz was all about. I did some online research about it and decided to take the plunge and buy all 4 books from a book club so that I could read them all non-stop. Good thing I did, because I didn't realize when these books had been previously released and how hard it would have been to find the last 3 books in the series. So I received the books but hadn't had the motivation to start reading them for about a week after they came. Then, the next weekend, I decided to go ahead and give the series a shot. I later kicked myself for waiting so long to start them! I was so happy that I'd not heard of them until after I was able to buy them all. I seriously don't know what I would have done if I'd of had to wait for the next book to be released. Needless to say, I read all 4, super large books in 5 days. I was so completely hooked that I lost weight, couldn't eat, was super depressed...my life had suddenly lost control. The story was so magnificent in such a dreamy dream world that I desperately wanted to live in that world. I know that sounds crazy, but it was imperative that I did. Once I finished the books, I immediately started reading them again. This time, I was even more hooked but knew there were parts of this story line that I wanted to pass on. So, I am so devoted to this story and the characters. I actually felt what they were feeling. I actually cried and was hurting like the characters. The books were like a drug for me. With that being said, I was so excited to know that I would be able to see this magnificent love story on the big screen. Here's my review of my favorite love story ever told:

SPOILER ALERT: Incase you haven't read the books and want to, don't read anymore of this post. If you don't care about any of it, then why are you reading this?

So I went to see Twilight at the midnight showing. I was so excited. The trailer did a good job of showing you parts of the film destined to get you worked up. Well...I have to say that I was kind of disappointed in the film. One thing that I think would have made it better for me was if they'd removed the cheesy music that was composed for Bella's Lullaby. I'd really love for that song to have been rewritten. It distracted from the scenes so much that I felt myself not focusing on the characters. I felt as if I were watching a soap opera between the music and the weird camera angles that were happening at times. I'm not in love with Bella's Lullaby and that is unfortunate because it's one of the things I was waiting to hear because it had such a presence in the book.

I loved the casting for everybody. Everybody but Mike. He was such a terrible cast. I didn't buy him as a more jock of a guy. He seemed more like a nerdy-weasel. All the vampires cast were fantastic. I didn't know what I'd think of Alice or Jasper but I loved them both. Jasper really looked like he was in pain, uncomfortable and weird. Alice was so cute and sweet. She was the one I was the most worried about but she was perfect. The only unfortunate thing for the Cullen family is that their back story was completely missing from the movie and there wasn't any time spent building the characters. Now for New Moon, the movie will have to play catch up since the whole idea of the story is that Bella lives among the vampire world with the Cullens. And with Edward trying to kill himself in the middle of New Moon, this movie will have to explain the Volturi family in Italy. I really enjoyed learning about Carlisle's and the family's history of where each of them came from. I know that those of us that have read the books will already know that information. But for those few people who haven't, that go see this film, might feel lost. I know that they wouldn't share the love you have for this family simply from seeing this movie.  In the books, you adore the family, regardless of their pasts. But boy, do they all look magnificent! I loved there looks. I'd have a crush on them too if I were in that high school!

I understand that the whole story is from Bella's point of view. So if there are characters that weren't completely portrayed the way they should be then that's because it's her point of view and there's no way she'd know most of that. If it weren't for Midnight Sun, we might not know how some of the characters really are. Jessica was good in acting sort of snooty and jealous. But Bella didn't know how hateful Jessica's thoughts were because they were her thoughts. I did like that you were able to see some of the important things from Edward's point of view on when he'd be eavesdropping on people. 

Why people had to die in this film, I'll never understand. Yes, okay, there are some nomad vampires hunting within the Cullen's territory. But people didn't have to die if they didn't in the book. Unfortunately for the movie, I think that is part of what hurt it. They spent more time on 2 characters dying when they could have used that valuable time introducing characters and focusing on the attraction between Edward and Bella. I felt a bond with them in the books but I didn't leave the theater feeling that bond with them.

I missed the multiple conversations that Edward and Bella constantly had in Twilight. Instead, in the movie, they just showed clips of them talking dubbed over with loud, annoying soap opera music. They're conversations are what makes their relationship what it is. You don't get any of that. You get some arguing about whether they should be friends or not, some random ignoring of each other and then instant dating. That in between time is missing. So I felt that story of their bonding was lack luster.

The timing of the film felt extremely rushed. Even though it was a 2 hour film, it felt like an hour and a half. They should have gone ahead and made this a 2 and a half hour film. I know that the studio is failing and that the budget wasn't very large but come on! If you're going to wrangle a book series that has a cult following, then you'd better do it right! Nothing like getting a ticket out of bankruptcy and then losing it in the wind. Lord knows, New Moon better be good. I better cry when he leaves her! I better cry when he comes back and he's carrying her back to his house to talk to the family about when was the appropriate time to turn her. Those two scenes are super important to me. If they're screwed up, then this movie is going to be a let down. I better know, see, and feel that neither of them can live in this world if they other one isn't.

I didn't think the director really got it all that much. I'd much rather of had a Harry Potter director. The fairytale of this story seemed lost in the shuffle somewhere. The scenery was fantastic and the color of the film was great.

I blame myself for ruining the soundtrack. I am not a fan of the music from the soundtrack yet. I do love Paramore's Decode. That's a good song. I'm not a Linkin Park fan though. Rob Pattinson, the actor playing Edward, has an awesome voice. I never would have thought that but his songs are great. When I was reading the books, I created my own soundtrack and it included more bands like Coldplay, The Cure, Depeche Mode, the more moody and brooding bands. So now, when I hear those songs, I think of certain scenes in the books. I can't get into the actual soundtrack yet. It may have to grow on me for a while.

I'm annoyed by all the critics and reporters or people just adding their two cents on the film because they're complaining about there being no biting, no blood, no fangs. But my favorite complaint is that Bella and Edward spend too much time staring into each other's eyes, there's too much brooding between them. WTF! That's what they do in the book. I WANT to see that. I'm paying close to $10 a ticket to see that. Lord knows, I better get some staring and brooding! Excuse me if you don't get it! Did you read the books? Then shut the hell up! You wouldn't be saying all that ridiculous bullshit if you had. So all that tells me is that if you haven't read the books, you're more than likely not going to like this movie. So don't bother going to see it.

I've seen the movie twice and the second time was better. There are scenes in the film that are funny. And then there are scenes that are inappropriately funny. They shouldn't even be funny. I should be all caught up in their emotions but instead, I'm laughing out loud. I think that's another thing that hurt this film. I laughed more than my heart hurt. And being opening night and midnight movie madness, the crowds were extra loud. That made it hard to focus on the characters. 

Strangely enough, I don't hate the film. I don't LOVE it, but I like it a lot now. And I'm strangely drawn to see it some more. I'm going to see it a few more times. I'm hoping that not having a full theater of other excited people will help me to focus on the characters and the story more.

I gave it a C+ the first viewing. I changed it to a B after the second viewing. It will never go any higher than that until they rewrite Bella's Lullaby.

And that, my friends, is my review of the film that I was dying to see.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Current Happenings

Greyson's birthday was yesterday. We had a party for him Saturday. He had lots of fun. I made him a Muno cake and we played his Yo Gabba Gabba DVD for him. He got lots of cool, fun gifts. Needless to say, he was exhausted by the time bedtime rolled around. I can't believe it's been two years now. The time has really flown by. He's such a good little boy. He can be trying at times but he's a good kid.

I had an interview Wednesday and it went really well. I hope I hear from them soon. I also received and email from Walmart sending me info for doing some contract work. I just hope something happens soon. This being out of a job is not fun. If it were by choice, then I'd have no problems with it, but since it was a surprise, it's not so fun. I was referred to a recruiter by my old boss. Well that guy was a joke. I haven't heard from him yet and he was supposed to contact me 3 weeks ago. I think I'll call him and let him know what a big help he was and that I'll never work with him again. Thank God I didn't have to pay him anything!

Lately, I've made lots of new friends on this chat room called Yoville. It's through Facebook or MySpace. It's fun. It's not like a game or anything, but you have an apartment and you can buy furniture and decorate. You can buy clothes and change whenever you want. They had Halloween costumes for sale and it was funny watching all the avatars running around dressing in ridiculous costumes. You go to work at a factory to make your money. The more people you meet and have on your crew, the more money you make. I'm almost a Vice President. Now they just introduced these new houses you can buy. There's a casino where you can win...and lose money. There's a dance club where you can drink and you screen gets more blurry, the more you drink. Can't say I've done that one yet. But you can tell when someone is drunk, their character sways. You can do dance moves and you talk in bubbles. If you get something to eat or drink it will speed up your movements and give you more energy to do dancing. It all sounds silly but it's actually pretty fun. Some people get on there and think it's boring because they're expecting some game. But I enjoy meeting all the people from around the world and talking to them on a regular basis. It's kind of neat to see into the lives of others half way around the world. It's also weird to have them saying that they need to get to bed when I'm just getting home from "work". That's a general term right now. LOL!

Our dog Penny got out of the fence...AGAIN, and was sprayed by a skunk! Damn dog! So she's been sleeping outside the past couple of nights to air out. We finally found a concoction that seems to have helped somewhat. We mixed baking soda, peroxide and dish soap. It helped a little but she still has a slight odor to her. But not bad enough to have to sleep in the freezing temps outside.

That's about it that's happening here. Thanks to those few that read this. Sorry I haven't had a chance to catch up on this blog. It's been chaotic even though I don't have a job. Somehow I seem to be more busy...trying to find a job and all.

Monday, October 13, 2008

UGH!

So, as to be expected, the job hunt is seriously not working out. So I guess don't be surprised if you see me around town waiting tables or working a night shift somewhere. It sucks because I'm a talented designer but I can't find a job to prove that. Looks like Walmart is the only safe place for a person to be right now. I have to wait till jobs are posted before I can even apply for them, though. So I sit and wait...and wait...

I've heard over and over from places that they're not hiring, yet I have my old boss who's refusing to let go of his dream and tells me that he has a few jobs down the pike. Well, those don't pay the house note. So thank you for making me a statistic in unemployment market right now. I'm so fucking pissed about this whole damn thing. I don't even want to talk about it anymore.

Plus, I can't even write on my book because all of this stupid job search shit is taking up my time. So I'm ultra annoyed that I can't focus on that. Then I keep hearing that the world is going to end in 2012...so why bother, right?! That's only 4 years from now!

Monday, September 29, 2008

Looking for Jobs in all the right places

So I'm real bummed. I just found out today that my work is closing it's doors this week. So I'm jobless now. I hate that. I really loved my job but with the economy the way it is and with Walmart making so many changes, suppliers just aren't spending the money anymore. And here I am, again, looking for a job. Blah! I hope to find one as fun as Damay Marketing. Everybody was so nice here. I'll miss everybody that I worked with. So needless to say...I'm sad to be leaving. But wish me luck on finding something new.